Ahhh... the delivery. My idea of delivery was my husband strategically placed at my head where my calm pushing is greatly assisted by an epidural where I feel less pain than a root canal. Afterwards, I would hold my baby as visitors oohed and ahhhed over the baby and how great I look. Reality was just a tad different. First of all, a big shout out to modern medicine and the ability to induce labor. My physician and I picked June 14th. Although this ruined our Flag Day plans, I was happy to go a week early. Jamey and I played cards in the delivery room as contractions started. Once they were going good, I was offered some pain relief. I decided I could handle it and wait for the epidural.
As we waited, the room got warmer and warmer. Deciding that the air conditioner was broken, they wheeled us out of the 90 degree room to another room. Meanwhile I clawed Jamey's hand every 3 minutes and tried to mimic the breathing of those women you see on TV. I think I more closely resembled a wheezing donkey. Once in the new room, I got the epidural and I must say...women who complain about the pain of the epidural really didn't wait long enough. It was nothing compared to the contractions by that point. The epidural kicked in and things immediately began to improve. My mom showed up and I told her to stay if she would like. She agreed (a decision I hope she later still approved of). Seems like my vision of an easy labor was coming true! Or not... The baby's heart rate started to get a bit stressed so I had to wear an oxygen mask. This is a difficult accessory to pull off at anytime, but I think I managed.
As the contractions got stronger, my happiness with how much I could move around with my epidural turned into horror as I realized it also implied I was going to feel more than I ever expected. After two boosts, there was little improvement. Now it came down to a choice. I was almost fully dilated and ready to go, they could try and redo the epidural or I could tough it out. I would like to say I bravely chose to tough it out, but honestly, my body made the decision and it was time to push. Modesty is pretty far out the window by now, but any remnants are completely removed by the pushing process. My mom helped hold one leg and my husband the other. Then I began to push every 2-3 minutes for 30 seconds each. That went on for 2 hours when they decided progress was not sufficient (gee, ya think?) and called the doctor.
I was told to wait on my side and to take a break from pushing. Here's the interesting thing. The bits and pieces of me not numb from the epidural much preferred me to push. Having something to do felt much better. So I pushed on my side for a bit and waited for the doctor. Of course, rolling to my side caused me to vomit, but that is really small potatoes at that point. (by the way, the throw up bag looked like a really over sized condom with ribs, why is that better than a normal bag?) Well, pushing on my side must have dislodged something, because by the time the doctor got there, Ruby was moving again.
The doctor offered forceps to assist the still somewhat slow delivery. I readily agreed which seemed to confuse her. She was ready for a long defense of forceps and that they won't hurt the baby. My feeling is that you either trust your doctor or you don't. (BTW, having a really cute female doctor does not make you feel any prettier at this point, but you are so happy to see her that, just this once, you will forgive her for being adorable) So, the doctor put on her Darth Vader mask and grabbed her ice cream scoops and away we go. As the head was halfway out and we were waiting for the next contraction to finish, the doctor asked how I was doing. It was such an insane question that it jolted me out of my pain and brought out my natural sweet sarcastic self. "Oh, just great, let's just stop now shall we? This is fantastic." About now, mom and Jamey realize I am just fine. After the head was out I asked if I could keep pushing (I was so not waiting another 2 minutes) and the doctor said "Knock yourself out." If I had known that was an option, I would have done that at the beginning! Out came Ruby and the doctor held up my very own slightly alien looking bundle of joy.
No, other posts won't be this long, consider this one a catharsis.
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